Archive for July, 2006

A historical perspective upon ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’…

Today, I am happy to share with our readers the contents of an illuminating letter sent to us by Watson Potson, Professor of Avocadology at the University of Montreal. ———————————————— I note with interest the recent publicity that you have generated with regard to ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’. This is a phenomenon that has vaster […]

The beastliness of modern young people….

This morning, as I left my mansion block to take my morning stroll, I noticed a group of young tearaways hanging around near the entrance smoking their ‘fags’. I immediately strode over and admonished them. “Why do you smoke those foul cigarettes,” I demanded. “Surely you must know that any man of taste and refinement […]

great business ideas no#9317 – a pack to freeze dog dirt?

If you have ever had a great idea for setting up a new business, it is essential to discuss it with other people, in order to get feedback and look at practical problems that may not have occurred to you. Look at this article that was posted on the UK.Finance newsgroup some time ago. I […]

how does Michelmas choose his victims?

Those of you who are now familiar with ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’ may ask: Why does he appear? How does he choose his victims? We are currently researching the first question, but have received an email from Arnold Brackhild, who states: “I think you credit Michelmas with more intelligence than he really deserves. See the […]

concrete filled footballs

You may have seen the recent story on where two men in Berlin were arrested for filling footballs with concrete, and leaving signs encouraging people to kick them. Thank god that they did not fill them with explosives… or vicious man-eating centipedes….

more sightings of ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’

We have just received another disturbing report about a sighting of ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’. Haroun Backslash, a software engineer from Nottingham, contacted us and stated: “I was looking for some books in my local library, and I saw the freakish avocado sitting on a shelf next to some books. I quickly took a picture […]

another sighting of ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’

Following the previous post, I have been contacted by a reader (who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of repurcussions) who stated: “I boarded a train at London Liverpool Street this morning, sat down, and saw an evil looking avocado grinning at me from the opposite seat. Luckily I was chatting on my mobile phone, […]

A positive sighting of ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’?

For hundreds of years, people have spoken in hushed tones about the legend of ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’. Parents would scare naughty boys and girls by telling them that Michelmas was watching them, and would appear in the dead of night to wreak an awful punishment. Very few people have ever seen Michelmas, reputedly an […]

A ghastly, utterly beastly experience occurred this morning…

Earlier this morning, young Clive Denby dropped by, and this gave me a perfect opportunity to ask questions about all this modern technology. “Ah Clive, young sah!” I barked playfully. “Pray tell me. What is all this ‘blogging’ nonsense that I keep reading about in the Telegraph. Sounds like a load of utter tripe to […]


My rehabilitation into working life continues… Some of my work colleagues decided to travel to the beach today and my therapist said it would be good to integrate with any extra curricular activities they poke themselves in. (Anyway I don’t care what that Dr. Lips says, I need to make amends with our team leader […]

Let the new Edwardians take to their unicycles!!!

Yesterday, whilst penning my latest essay for the journal ‘Le Moderne Edwardian’, I went into a reverie, and started to wonder how the average Edwardian gentleman would have travelled in style in the modern cities of today. I’m sure that no gentleman of taste would travel short distances in some ghastly automobile (although I am […]

what is all this ‘whoa-ha’ over the ‘World Cup’ ?

I telephoned Crispin before to enquire whether he intends to go to the Theatre tonight, and he informed me that he was going to a pub with some of his friends to watch the ‘World Cup’. “World Cup?”, I replied. I was’nt even aware that a World Cup was happening, although I do recall something […]