Archive for August, 2006


I went to the latest trendy restaurant last night…

Yesterday evening, I went out with my young new protege Tobias. He advised that we visit a new restaurant named ‘The Decline of Western Civilization’. “It isn’t about food Nigel,” he explained, “it’s more about having an intense experience!” Well, I’m not quite sure about that statement, but the food was certainly different. There was […]

a splendid evening, but caught off-guard by a ridiculous riddle…

Apparently based on a current film, I went out last night with a few acquaintances to the theatre and saw “SNAKES ON A PLANE: THE MUSICAL”. And jolly good fun it was too! I’m still singing the following song wherever I go: Oh when a snake, launches at you, upon a plaaaaanaane, move out of […]

the problem of ‘evil fruit’ rears its head once again…

In reply to recent postings, I have just received an email from Alfred P. Yoghurt-Pot from Mobile, Alabama. He states: “Mr Denby. I read your postings about ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’. You think you know it all? Boy, have you a lot to learn! Here in this part of Alabama we have been contending with […]

a pivotal moment in the war against ‘evil fruit’?

Ever since my first sighting of ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’ I have known that I have been taking a huge personal risk by writing about and documenting this phenomenon. Friends and colleagues warned me “Just ignore it. You can only come to harm if you generate this sort of publicity.” Over the last few weeks, […]

stabbed in the back…again…

I was rudely interrupted from my work this afternoon by some sharp banging on my front door. Upon opening in, It was rudely served with an injunction by what can best be described as an ape-like creature. The injunction forbids me to contact young Crispin by any way or form, or to enter the immediate […]

more evidence regarding the selfish ingratitude displayed by modern youth…

After the terrible setback I suffered yesterday at the editorial meeting of ‘Le Moderne Edwardian’, I resolved to pay a visit to young Crispin. Perhaps to throw around a few ideas. I was also curious about how he was enjoying the radio I had delivered to him. I could just picture him listening to soothing […]

more evidence of slavery to modern ‘fads’ and trends…

Late yesterday afternoon I attended the monthly editorial meeting at the offices of ‘Le Modern Edwardian’ journal. Aside from the routine business to attend to, I was full of high expectations that the assembled members would review my latest essays with critical acclaim and agree to their immediate publication. However I was sharply cut short […]

one must withdraw to seek peace and quiet…

My need for a peaceful working environment means that it is a time for a trip to Bookbinder Hall, the main family residence of several centuries standing. After choosing a book from the vast library, I settled down on my day bed for a glass of champagne and to smoke my pipe. At this point, […]

Financial difficulties can be a great spur to creative action…

Having taken stock of my need to undertake economies of scale, I decided the most positive thing I can do is to earn some more money. Therefore, this morning I set about in a buzz of industry with the aim of completing several unfinished articles and essays for publication. Hopefully the publishers of ‘Le Moderne […]

A perfectly beastly visit to my accountants…

Today I had to undertake the utterly tedious but necessary task of visiting my accountant in order to calculate how much money I must give away to this dreadful government. Having fortified myself with an extra glass of champagne before the meeting, it was still an utterly painful sixty minutes for an individual of my […]

strange things can happen on a friday night…

Readers from outside the United Kingdom may not be aware of the quaint English custom of ‘friday night’. In a nutshell, this involves: Drinking excessive (if not downright lethal) amounts of alcohol Smoking ten packets of cigarettes Making crude and leering advances to any women who may be ‘available’ Having as many fights as possible […]

one must do one’s best to educate the younger generation…

After my triumph in the restaurant the other evening, I felt very splendid indeed. Yesterday I realized that I needed some assistance in reading and editing some scripts. As I felt like a stroll, I called young Crispin and said “I need you to cast your professional eye over some scripts young chap. May I […]

an end to the evictions at Horsemeat Enterprises?

If you have been following this thread you will know that I recently instituted ‘Big-Brother’ style evictions at Horsemeat Enterprises, forcing employees to nominate fellow employees for ‘eviction’ (read: sacking). However, my plans were cut short earlier when I received a call from Grandpa Bumphrey from his base in Geneva. “Oh Humphrey,” he droned on. […]

take care when you visit a fashionable new restaurant…

Yesterday evening, Crispin and I forayed out to watch the controversial new play “Strap it on, Lady MacBeth”. And what a controversial spectacle it turned out to be. After the play ended, Crispin insisted that he would take me to visit a new restaurant in Covent Garden called ‘7-QX’. He was literally frothing with enthusiasm […]