a pivotal moment in the war against ‘evil fruit’?

Ever since my first sighting of ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’ I have known that I have been taking a huge personal risk by writing about and documenting this phenomenon.

Friends and colleagues warned me “Just ignore it. You can only come to harm if you generate this sort of publicity.”

Over the last few weeks, as the sightings have started to tail off, I guess that became too complacent and a little lax. Until last night…

I was woken in the early hours by strange noises coming from downstairs. My immediate thought was ‘BURGLARS’… I have often considered what I would do in the event that I realised that there was an intruder in my house. My rationalization was that the safest and most effective approach would be to bang on the walls and make as much noise as possible, in the hope that the intruder would panic and flee.

However, my rationalizations went completely out of my head. I leapt out bed, ran to the next room and grabbed a huge mallet, charged down the stairs, and started swinging the mallet at a figure I could see moving about in the downstairs living room.

Only after I managed to switch the light on did I discover who – or what – the intruder was… It was no other than ‘Michelmas the evil avocado’…and I had destroyed it.


Look at the rotting putrefaction lurking within the avocado. The evil black soul of this most evil of avocados.

I quickly bagged up the remains and the next day I threw them into a river.

I still can’t quite believe what has happened. After causing mayhem for centuries, was it down to me to destroy this notorious avocado? Or have I? Has the black soul of Michelmas escaped only to resurface in a new guise?

I must close my mind to these thoughts or I will drive myself demented.