The Annual horseMEAT conference

In case you have wondered why there has been little activity on horseMEAT lately, the reason is that all the contributors have been attending the ‘Annual horseMEAT Conference’, held on Pot Noodle Island.

After the obligatory fights with the locals in the Hotel Bar, the topics up for discussion have been:

  • Black or Red ? Which is the best colour ?
  • The perfect way to make a Pot of Tea.
  • Could pigs fly (with a little genetic modification) ?
  • New historical interpretations of the 1870-1 Franco-Prussian war.

To entertain us, a band of local minstrels performed songs by Sonic Youth on their banjos each evening. The sound was a little strange, but not altogether unpleasant.

Unfortunately I have had to return early in order to attend the annual London Tea-Towel festival. This is the annual mecca for Tea-Towel enthusiasts where you may find stalls full of historic Tea-Towels, and Tea-Towels from around the world.

I had to keep this fact to myself – not, as you may imagine, because it is a deeply sad and pointless hobby – but because our other regular contributor, Humphrey J. Bumphrey, suffers from a rare deviancy known as ‘Textilisophilia’. He finds Tea-Towels erotically stimulating, and if I brought the existence of this annual event to his attention, who knows what mayhem he would create if he turned up there; I seriously doubt that he would be able to restrain himself…