Ah Nigel, I am so disappointed that you were aware of the existence of an annual Tea-Towel Festival (and judging by what you say, have been secretly attending it for some years) yet you did not bother to inform me about it.

[I am also disappointed that you chose to broadcast my private vices in such a public manner].

However, now that you have brought it to my attention via the public Internet (you fool!), NOTHING will prevent me from paying it a visit…

I’m already getting VERY excited thinking about all those hot Tea-Towels, and what I plan to do with them… I plan to depart from Pot Noodle Island immediately…