I’ll be going to the International Tea-Towel Festival next year…

Nigel, you are very much mistaken if you think that I can be kept away from the International Tea-Towel Festival next year. Even if I have to bribe my way in, or enter in disguise, you can bet that is what I will do.

As for the minor charge that is hanging over my head – I simply could not care less. Mainly because I just don’t care, but also because I employ the services of Paul Holt, Child Barrister, who can get anybody out of any mess.

I don’t know whether you’ve heard of Paul Holt. He is a twelve-year old Barrister who takes on difficult cases in between going to school and doing his homework. He reputedly earns half a million pounds a year (although I suspect his parents confiscate a good part of it). Perhaps I will ask him to come over and meet you, and possibly even write some columns for Horsemeat!!!

How about that!!!