A child barrister’s life is not a happy one…

Well, after the day I had on Monday, I felt that I needed to conclude the tale of aggravation and stress.

After my mum sent me to my room without any tea, I waited until I knew that she was watching TV, then sat in bed under the covers reading my notes by torchlight and preparing my final speech.

I awoke yesterday morning and went down to eat my corn-flakes. I could sense that my mum was still very angry with me. When I had finished, she said sternly “Now Paul. Get dressed in your school uniform. I’m taking you to school this morning. No arguments or any of your tricks.”

When she is in that sort of mood, there is no point arguing. I just complied. Thirty minutes later she had driven me to the school gates, and when I just about to get about of the car, she grabbed my arm and shouted “Whhaaooo. Not so fast. I’m coming in with you…”

How embarrassing! To have one’s mother escort one across the playground! No matter how embarrassing this was, I needed to keep my mind on the higher purpose. Therefore, I did not resist or argue. I let her escort me through the playground (I could hear the amused sniggering of my friends) and watch me enter the school building. As a final retort she shouted “Oh Paul. I’m going to be sitting in the car. Don’t think you can sneak back out in five minutes!”

I had half expected this. Therefore, I walked to the hall where the lockers are kept, extracted my spare gown and wig, emptied my books and gym gear into the locker, and shoved my court apparel into my bag. I then went and spoke to Charley (a friend from my class) and said “Charley. Cover for me this morning. Tell the teacher I’m in the Headmaster’s office with my Mum. I’ve got to be elsewhere, and he isn’t going to check this out until at last break-time.”

Charley agreed, and I handed him a fifty pound note. I then slipped out of the fire escape at the back of the school, ran across the playing field, climbed over a fence, ran through somebody’s back garden out into the street, hailed a taxi and instructed the cabbie to take me to the High Court, post haste!

I managed to change into my gown in the back of the cab, and arrived at the court with minutes to spare. I quickly composed myself, entered the court, and made a rousing speech that demolished the case put forward by the Crown. The jury was sent out to deliberate and reach a verdict, leaving me free to slip off back to school.

However, the moment I left the building, I felt a tug on the back of my gown and received a swift clip around the ear. “PAAAUUULLLL!!!!” It was my mum. “GET BACK TO SCHOOL THIS SECOND!!!”

I know I’ll pay a high price when I get home. Sometimes I think that my parents just don’t understand me or my true vocation in life.