Money Down the Drain…

Today, being the second Wednesday of the month is the date for the monthly horsemeat editorial meeting, held at Nigel Bookbinder’s apartment.

On the pavement outside Nigel’s block, I noticed Humphrey J. Bumphrey sitting on the side of the pavement, dropping small objects down the drain. I walked over and stood right next to him, but he was completely oblivious to my presence.

“Ahumm! What are you doing Humphrey?” I asked.

He suddenly jerked up and muttered, “Oh, it’s you Clive!I was…just throwing money down the drain?”

“Money down the drain?”

“Yes, I’ve been throwing money down the drain.”

“Why on earth are you doing that?”

“Because all my life people have been accusing me of ‘throwing money down the drain’. When I was a boy my father constantly shouted at me for ‘throwing money down the drain’, and when I was putting all that white powder up my nose, everyone was telling me that I was ‘throwing money down the drain’. Therefore, I thought I’d give it a go for real.”

“How much money have you thrown down the drain?”

“Oh. About four hundred pounds!”

“How does it feel?”

“Quite boring actually!”

At that point Humph stood up, and we strolled up to Nigel’s place for the editorial meeting. However, upon reaching front door of his apartment we were deafened by a dreadful noise emanating from the inside. We banged repeatedly on the door (nobody was bothering to come and open it) before we realised that the door was unlocked and we could enter anyway.

Upon entering my main lounge, we were met by a deafening wall of sound, and were amazed to see Nigel dancing slowly around the room, along with the young Holt brothers (Paul and Barrington) and the famous American actor, Michael J. Trampoline.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I shouted at the dancing lunatics.
“AH CLIVE!” Nigel bellowed at the top of his voice “YOUNG PAUL HOLT HAS INTRODUCED ME TO THE DELIGHTS OF JAPANESE NOISE MUSIC. ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC SONIC SOUND SCULPTURES. WE ARE LISTENING TO A CD BY MERZBOW… I MUST WRITE A PIECE ABOUT THIS FOR ‘LE NOUVEAU MODERNE EDWARDIAN’… COME AND JOIN IN!!!”

Needless to say, nothing of any importance was discussed this morning. In fact, I have wasted half a day to no purpose, and all I received in return was a painful ringing sensation in my ear.