Microcosm or Macrocosm?

Apologies for the lack of activity on horseMEAT over recent weeks. This is simply due to the fact that our contributors have been extremely busy with other matters.

Our editor and chief contributor, Nigel Bookbinder has been rather downcast after failing to get his new periodical, “Le Noveaue Moderne Edwardian” off the ground. As you may recall from previous posts, Nigel broke his ties with “Le Moderne Edwardian” after they decided that instead of covering aspects of retro-Edwardian culture, they would take on a more modern angle and cover topics such as Japanese Noise music and Alternative Arts.

Depressed by the lack of interest in his spin-off publication, Nigel has spent the last six weeks attending a porridge-making course. In fact, I met him the other day and was served up a choice of porridges, including chocolate, yoghurt and black bean flavoured oat dishes. He proclaimed that he has reached a point where he may just turn his back on the literary scene and open up a restaurant dedicated to serving different kinds of porridge.

I sincerely hope that he comes to his senses and forgets about this mad idea.

As for our other main contributor, Humphrey J. Bumphrey, he has been languishing in a Thai prison after getting into a spot of trouble. He called me last week on a very bad line, mentioning something about “Offences with Tea Towels” and then went off into a long-rambling conversation about how he has ended up sharing a cell with eighties children TV star Timmy Mallet. He wouldn’t explain how he ended up in a cell with Mallet, but the whole business smells rather fishy to me.

Anyway, he asked me to make some calls on his behalf, which I duly did. I expect his family will spring him or buy his way out, and he will be back in circulation in no time at all.

Our resident child genius, Paul Holt (the famous “Child Barrister”) has been busy acting as the defence barrister in some high profile cases, including the notorious “Cod Liver Oil VAT Fraud” and “Parallax” trials.

All in all, I plan to get all these people together very shortly and remind them to get back to the most important business of all – posting new content to horseMEAT!!!

And what have I been doing you may ask? Well, as my wife has vanished for the last two weeks and seems to have been running up huge bills on a credit card, I’ve been sitting in a dark room drinking cheap cider and wondering where it all went wrong…