National Top Hat Day

All readers of horseMEAT are probably aware by now that 1 November is “National Top-Hat Day”.

We have been rather disappointed in recent years about the lack of attention given to this important and symbolic day, and the absence of Top-Hat wearing gentlemen on Britain’s streets.

However, we were heartened by David Cameron’s rousing speech at the Conservative Party conference in which he declared:

“For too long we have been witnessing a decline in moral standards and a lack of respect for authority in this country. A perfect example is the decline in the wearing of Top Hats. I dare to think what Winston Churchill would have thought if he were alive today…(pause, whilst audience cheers). Before this morally bankrupt Labour Government came to power in 1997, every child wore a Top Hat as part of its school uniform. This encouraged discipline in our schools and respect for ones elders…(pause)… However, the decision in 1997 to let schoolchildren decide for themselves whether or not to wear a Top Hat has been an absolute disaster for this country. From that point onwards, we have seen a rapid decline into a society plagued by guns, drugs and knife crime… And what is the reason? I think this can be directly linked to the decline in the wearing of Top Hats in this country… (audience cheers wildly, and David Cameron puts on a Top Hat)… When we win the next election, every man and boy over the age of five will be forced to wear a Top Hat when attending school, their place of work or place of worship. We will lead by example and foster a level of respect and discipline that has been lacking in this country for too long… I challenge Gordon Brown to wear a Top Hat on the first of November and announce to the British people that he is proud to do so!!!” (Audience breaks into ever-wilder applause, then combusts into combined spontaneous orgasm).

Therefore, dust down your Top Hats, and get ready to wear them with pride on 1 November.

What if your children complain about having to wear Top Hats? horseMEAT Enterprises will shortly be launching a range of tie-dye psychedelic Top Hats, Denim Coated Top Hats and even Leather Top Hats. Get them while stocks last !!!