Earlier this evening I popped out to buy a jar of coffee from the corner shop. Upon entering the shop, who did I see standing in the queue? None other than ex-Big Brother fruit-loop Jade Goody and several other Z-List Celebrities who were engaged in a very loud and continuous stream of twit-talk.

I soon noticed that they were giving me icy stares. Maybe I am just too unimportant to be in a corner shop frequented by such luminaries. Suddenly I yelled “HEY JADE!!!” before I picked up a Pot Noodle and threw it at her head.

I then calmly walked out the shop and went home.