Good day to all readers of horseMEAT.

I recently was invited to the opening night of a new restaurant in Clerkenwell named “Kidney Stone”.

From the diverse menu, I chose the following items:

STARTER: Snail Poo Salad, served on a bed of the finest gravel.

MAIN COURSE: Spicy Leprechaun stew, served with deep fried bat wings and sauerkraut.

DESSERT: A pot of Tesco Value Yoghurt (past it’s sell-by date).

I can honestly say that this was the best meal I have ever eaten.

P.S. On my way out, I happened to notice ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair standing in the corner suffering from a nosebleed and yelling at some hapless waiter.

I recommend you try this restaurant as soon as you possibly can.