How to save money this Christmas

Given the current news diet of economic doom and gloom, it seems that every time you open a newspaper (if you can afford a newspaper) you will see an article on the theme of “Twenty ways to save money this Christmas”.

Most articles will give advice such as “make your own gifts” (as if we are all skilled in the arts of woodworking and metalworking) and “grow your own food” (ideal solution if you live in a flat).

Anyway, in the interests of hopping onto a pointless bandwagon, horseMEAT’s contributors have gathered together in order to offer up their own money savings tips to tide you over the festive season.

  • Does you son or daughter wants the latest games console? Lie to them. Just go to the nearest charity shop and buy a “Buckaroo” set that has half of the pieces missing. The kiddies will love it.
  • Christmas Cards: If you had been farsighted enough, you would have kept all the cards you received last year. Just apply some Tipp-Ex over the greetings, write over them and then hand them back to the people who gave you them last year. Recycling at its very best.
  • Try an alternative Christmas Dinner: Give the Turkey a miss this year. Just serve up some Findus Crispy Pancakes with Super Noodles.
  • Sick of spending money on expensive wrapping paper? Just use old newspapers and magazines instead.
  • Worried about the expense of a constant round of boozing and socializing? Just hover about when you are in a bar or club and drink up the dregs from drinks that others have left behind.
  • Don’t want to waste money on a Christmas tree? Decorate a cactus instead.
  • Desperate to save money, but too scared to disappoint your family and friends when you don’t buy them lots of ultra-expensive pieces of tat? Simply go on a few shoplifting expeditions. You won’t need to spend a brass farthing.
  • Feign a serious illness and stay in bed until January.

If you follow these simple and effective tips, you too can enjoy a scrooge-like festive season and alienate your family and friends…