Motivational Business Guru

The other day, I went to the train station, and was fascinated by the sight of a wasp crawling over a discarded hamburger.

However, that is not the point of this posting. You may be aware that there has been little activity on horseMEAT lately. This is due to the fact that we have been up and down the country working as motivational business gurus.

This started some months ago when I met a chap called Kevin Bhaji who runs “business empowerment”? seminars. He has one simple message. He will scream at people and shout ‘Stop Wanking!!! Start Working!!!’.

He explained his philosophy to me. He claimed that ‘In any office or workplace, the average bloke will be in the toilet three or four times a day spanking out his man oysters, while most women pretend to work, but probably discreetly use love-eggs. If these people stopped fixating on their sexual urges, they would get a lot more work done.’

At first I was sceptical, and thought this was the ramblings of a porn-addicted lunatic, but he was quite calm and explained that the government and various universities have conducted years of research and have found this to be true.

So, I now have a lucrative sideline. Many companies pay me £3,000 per event, and will bring their staff to a room in a swanky hotel, and I will rant and rave at their employees (with a PowerPoint presentation on the projector, of course) and scream in their faces ‘Stop Wanking!!! Start Working!!!’.

Apparently, it is quite effective and does produce results.

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