Genial Conspiracy Theorist

I was disturbed earlier by an old lady fighting in the street with a transvestite. They were hitting each other with their handbags and she was yelling at him, shouting “You big poof!!!” Then he slapped her with a handbag and said “Don’t you talk to me like that!!!”. It was amusing but I had more pressing issues to sort out.

I visited somebody who contracted horseMEAT Enterprises PLC to come and sort out their IT issues. But I discovered he was a professional conspiracy theorist.

He told me, “Look, most of the common conspiracy theories, like Adolf Hitler is still alive, Frank Sinatra was involved in the death of JFK, or NASA never landed an astronaut on the moon. Well, I’m responsible for most of them.”

I asked him how he did it, but he was a bit cagey. He said, “Look, a lot of people are just stupid. As long as you are believable, you can say any old crap and spread lots of disinformation. We have the Internet now, so it is even easier…”

“In the technical sense, conspiracy is just a thought crime. For instance, imagine if you planned to rob a jewellery shop and made elaborate plans then aborted it at the last minute. The fact that you planned it is enough to get you nicked on a conspiracy charge and sent to prison for a long time. In fact, if the Police think you are up to no good, want to get at you, but can’t charge you with anything that would hold up in court, they always go after you on conspiracy charges.”

“But I’m more interested in crazy conspiracies. In fact”, he said, “If you can come up with some good conspiracy theories, come and work with me.” HHmmmm… Tempting… I’m sure I can dream something up…..