Archive for the 'Blog My Blog' Category


Mass Hysteria

I can’t believe the furore surrounding the discovery of Horse-meat in burgers sold by several well-known supermarkets. After all, for those with exotic tastes, Unicorn Pie and Badger Soup seems to be quite fashionable at all the top eateries right now. Nobody seems to be causing much of a fuss about this though. Perhaps because […]

Friedrich Peache

Dear horseMEAT readers, I would like to introduce our new columnist, the world famous philosopher Friedrich Peache. Having taken a sabbatical from teaching, he is currently residing in a fruit tin in my kitchen cupboard next to the anchovies. If you have any burning metaphysical questions that you need to resolve, feel free to send […]

New Apple Ironing Board !!!

Yes, fresh from Apple’s success with their iPad, they are planning to launch their latest product. It is an ironing board. It is not different from a normal ironing board, but it does have an Apple logo on it. But the killer app that accomanies is what makes it work. It is – the iRon.

Urgent Appeal for Information

What a week!!! I had to travel to the headquarters of horseMEAT Enterprises Plc several times this week, due to a series of random break-ins. Even though it was obvious that somebody (or some people) had smashed their way into the building, at first we slightly puzzled, as nothing appeared to have been stolen. However, […]

Pot Noodle Eating Contest !!!

Hello readers. Tomorrow I will be attending the final of the World Pot Noodle Eating Contest. Like any popular sport, the rules are quite straightforward. Whichever finalist can eat the most Pot Noodles within thirty minutes will be crowned as “World Pot Noodle Eating Champion, 2010”. Apparently, the record stands at 131 Pot Noodles. Hopefully […]

A Sandwich of great importance

After hearing the news that Tesco have launched a lasagne sandwich (this is actually true!!! I had to pop into the nearest Tesco to have a look for myself, and the immediate image that came to mind was of farm slurry encased between two slices of bread !!!), the team at horseMEAT Enterprises Plc have […]

Motivational Business Guru

The other day, I went to the train station, and was fascinated by the sight of a wasp crawling over a discarded hamburger. However, that is not the point of this posting. You may be aware that there has been little activity on horseMEAT lately. This is due to the fact that we have been […]

Recent Update

  Visitors to this site may have wondered why there has been little activity for some time. The reason is due to an unfortunate incident on Pot Noodle Island earlier last year.   Due to ongoing legal proceedings on Pot Noodle Island, we cannot exactly disclose what occurred, but I can confirm that the entire […]

The trip of a lifetime!!!

Merry Christmas dear readers. Wary of yet another ‘traditional’ Christmas, the team at horseMEAT decided to take a trip to Pot Noodle Island in order to relax and do something a little different. After booking into the “Hotel Scooby Doo” (which I must tell you is the most upmarket hotel on the island) we went off […]

A Moral Outrage

Just stop and think for a minute. Christmas is approaching, and whilst most people are considering the financial costs, few consider the other hidden costs. It is estimated that each year, one hundred thousand leprechauns are killed in Ireland solely to ensure that people in England can tuck into their traditional christmas meal of spicy […]

How to save money this Christmas

Given the current news diet of economic doom and gloom, it seems that every time you open a newspaper (if you can afford a newspaper) you will see an article on the theme of “Twenty ways to save money this Christmas”. Most articles will give advice such as “make your own gifts” (as if we […]

A Jolly Weekend…

Well, I spent last weekend down at my place in the country, and who should show up but none other than my errant young nephew Cornelius. He was sporting a most outrageous hairstyle, with clumps of hair stuck up into huge tusk-like spikes. “How on earth do you manage to get your hair to look […]

The best meal in several years

Good day to all readers of horseMEAT. I recently was invited to the opening night of a new restaurant in Clerkenwell named “Kidney Stone”. From the diverse menu, I chose the following items: STARTER: Snail Poo Salad, served on a bed of the finest gravel. MAIN COURSE: Spicy Leprechaun stew, served with deep fried bat […]

Your ideal car.

I received a telephone call from Humphrey earlier, and he appeared in a very excitable mood. “Guess what I’ve just bought!” he asked, then continued “No. No. I can’t tell you. Just go outside and I’ll be round in five minutes.” Obviously this would turn out to be some unimportant piece of nonsense. Suddenly, a […]

Eat Tripe!!!

Yet more obscure posters have been appearing, often in bus shelters or railway stations. Maybe this really is part of some obscure healthy eating campaign, or possibly a campaign to promote greater understanding of offal in a wider sense. I myself will be tucking into a bowl of spicy fried tripe this evening.