Nigel Bookbinder

Nigel is horseMEAT’s resident ‘Gentleman of Letters’. After rising at 10am in the morning and taking a leisurely breakfast of champagne and devilled kidneys, Nigel is likely to spend the day in contemplation whilst taking a stroll, reading fine books and looking at exquisite objects.

Nigel Bookbinder

If the mood takes him, he may light up his pipe, relax on his daybed, and write an article for Horsemeat…and then, it’s time to go for a cocktail and visit the Theatre.

It’s a hard life…

Humphrey J. Bumphrey

Humphrey (full name: Humphrey Janus St.John Augustine Tapeworm Bumphrey, born: Switzerland, April 1969) is a spoilt scion of a wealthy family. Cruising between homes in London, New York, Geneva and Monaco, Humphrey aspires to be a modern day cad.


One day, Humphrey may appear to be your best friend, lavishing you with gifts and taking you for expensive meals. The next day, he will attempt to seduce your girlfriend, and use the power and wealth of his family to crush you into the soil like a piece of trash.

However, Humphrey is slowly tiring of his life of excess, and has approached the editor of horseMEAT and asked if could contribute pieces and monologues from time to time.

Well, why not ?

Tarquin Artist

After several years of poncing around Shoreditch talking about art and what
it means to be an artist (funded mainly by his Parents trust fund),
Tarquin realised that he has spent all his cash on gourmet goods from the local

Tarquin Artist
Tarquin Artist attempted to live on beans and potatoes in order to still
socialise with the Shoreditch elite; however, two days later, the lack of
toasted focaccia sandwiches (stuffed with goats cheese and milano salami)
caused him to apply for a place on the Barclays Graduate Training Scheme.

Tarquin will supply an image once he has finished agonizing about what to contribute
(and once he has finished his ‘Customer Relations’ training course).

Clive Denby

Clive Denby is horseMEAT’s Technical Editor, and will report on varied matters relating to I.T. and technology.

Clive is a classic uber-geek of the ‘old school’. He once tried socializing, when colleagues took him to a karaoke bar. However, he found the whole experience so frightful that he hasn’t tried it again.


Clive is married to Claire Denby. Whilst she enjoys spending Clive’s earnings, her secret (actually, not so secret) desire is to marry a footballer and live a life of excitement and luxury. Possibly even a career in television.

She constantly berates Clive for not taking her to expensive restaurants, and for not buying her enough expensive clothes and jewelry. Therefore, Clive withdraws ever more into his world of mobile devices and cutting-edge Internet Technologies.

Paul Holt – Child Barrister

Paul Holt is no ordinary schoolboy; rather, he is a genuine child prodigy. Aged only twelve years old, he is a fully qualified (and highly sought after) barrister, a talented jazz drummer, and a world authority on nineteenth century stamps. And he manages to fit this around going to school…(well sometimes)…

Paul Holt - Child Barrister

When Paul isn’t bunking off school to act as counsel in high profile court cases, or cooking up schemes with his ten-year old brother Barrington (who is the youngest Plastic Surgeon in Britain), he tries to spare a few minutes to pen an article for horseMEAT.

Good for you Paul!!!